Ode 1:

Time to get your walking boots and waterproofs back on.

As winter rains and snows recede, the frosts will soon be gone.

I've got an itch I need to scratch and then a crave to go,

Beyond where man is feared to tread not just guide dogs don't you know

Up into those hills beyond the mists where thistles reach your arse

And sheep tracks wind between the rocks lead to a mountain pass

My own flock follow despite the pain where sock and heel do rub

Up one hill and down the glen in search of a well stocked pub

It's not for me, though I need the walk, Our cause is greater still

To raise some cash for charity, prize motives to fulfil

My entourage is growing fast but still we welcome more

In body spirit or in kind on this our Highland tour  

We've heroes aplenty on this hike. I'll name you but a few,

There's Hatel e y, Goram, Hurlock and Rae, and maybe there'll be you

More legends still, I care to add like  Dalziel, Brown and McCall

And Arthur Numan's coming too they're welcome one and all.

Ode 2:

Over the hills and far away I'm off on another hike

Raising cash for charity, you can join us if you like

We've got a crew of legends going, names to make you smile

So why not join us on this trek, if only for a mile

Young or old, fat or thin the trek will do you good

Much better than sitting at home again like most folk normally would

Come fill your lungs with mountain air you'll feel just super duper

You might even get the chance to carry my gold plated pooper Scooper

If you can't come along we'll understand. We'll keep you up to date

I'll send reports and write more odes if I stay up extra late

You can keep in touch as we march along this famous highland Bash

You can do your bit by digging deep and sponsor us with cash.

The Way To Go.

I've got to lead these people for a hundred miles

Starting at Milngavie

Goodness knows how many gates and styles

To count I wouldn't try

I bet they'll stop in the pubs at Drymen

A watering hole of renown

That's one landmark known to most men

A pretty Strathclyde town.

Along Loch Lomond to Rowardennan

The hostel's a popular place

For hikers and bikers, men and women

From all o'er the human race

Ben Lomond 's summit, we'll pass it by

And stop at Rob Roy's cave

Crianlarich by nightfall I think we'll try

If the stragglers don't misbehave

Tyndrum, Bridge of Orchy to Inveroran

With blisters on my paws

By now you might think I'm wearing a sporran

But it'll be the dragging O' ma baws

Loch Tulla, black mount near Rannoch Moor

And still there's far to go

But we're so fit we've loads in store

Big Geordie John tells us so (and you don't argue with him)

The Devil's staircase, now that sounds scary

Like a date with Susan Boyle

Or could it be a night with the ugly and hairy

The cider and vodka loyal

Kinlochleven, Ben Nevis is next door

It looms right overhead

We'll just keep going down on the moor

Go round it please, instead.

The end in sight FortWilliam beckons

The finishing line will loom

The pub's well stocked we deserve it I reckons

I hope there's a bitch in my room.

Botil